On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
