you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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