you win again, gameday.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
