hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
