I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The adults are the big ones right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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