they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
