I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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