I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
