we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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