hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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