woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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