pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
