I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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