im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
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Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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