but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
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He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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