As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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