I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
