Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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