My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
