it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
