We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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