Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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