At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
