wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
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You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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