Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
