just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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