I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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