Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
