I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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