Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
a search helicopter?!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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