Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Randomize
