I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
