I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
