I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
