based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
