i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
