Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
