She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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