Sry I called you an 8
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
