My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
