I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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