I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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