i already hear my dad disowning me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
