I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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