Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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