we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
