I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
