Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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