Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
