ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
