Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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