sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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