What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
