New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the day after is always just damage control
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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