Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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