I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
