I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
