I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
