I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
