If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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